Religion

entry 2: jargon & restriction

i've watched some more christian content and have recognized the cultish language of most devout believers. using terms such as "the enemy" and "conviction" like they're business jargon. i find christian syntax so interesting, as well, although i'm nowhere near a linguist; the language used by christian content creators specifically is supported by a feaux-warm tone and weirdly scripted format... these bitches are microwaving their words, not baking. does that make sense? LUKEWARM LMAO

i wonder if people within the church recognize the buzzword abuse in their community, or if they never question it because, in their eyes, that is what sounds correct. for example, when people who swear a lot get around people that don't, the ladder is gagged by the other's chosen vernacular? i feel like it's similar in this case; i'm not used to christian vernacular, and often find it discomforitng, but christians most likely find it to be normal.

i think my issue is, at the core of christian jargon, there is restriction. to them, it's necessary as the Lord commands, but to others, it's unnecessary control encouraged by a group relying on an ancient text's philosophy. it's so interesting. why are billions of people so willing to live for something other than humanity? wouldn't jesus want that first and foremost? why is praise more important than living as God would? i have so many thoughts lol i'm so sorry. why is the prosperity of the human experience not enough for this dude in the clouds?

as someone who believes life has no inherent meaning, that everything simply happens and no reason is necessary, that soulmates do not exist and, instead, human connection does (scientifically), i find it hard to grasp all of the layers behind christian philosophy from a believer's perspective; i don't understand, but i want to.

entry 1: i wish i believed

i don't agree with the "if God is all good, why does cancer exist??" question because i find it slightly juvenile. it's basically "if inventor good, why product bad??" question; it's entirely valid, but there are many more interesting points to bring up other than God's true mercy and perfection. if anything, that question only disproves the existence of an all-good God, not a God in general. it's almost like religion is political before all else, not Holy...

sometimes i wish i was able to consistently believe in God, whether the christian God or some other deity. it's because of both simple questions, like the one proposed above, and the more complex questions i can't seem to shake. i grew up catholic, and still have fear stating i don't believe God is real, but i recognize the impossibility of the God my region taught me about is The One. i don't understand Christian arguments pointing back to the Bible; it's a religious fairytale to most atheists, and impossible to reason with us when using it as a tool of proof. honestly, it makes it less possible for me to become a genuine believer!!